Wicked

Idina Menzel as Elphaba in Wicked (The Broadway Musical)

I’ve just finished reading Wicked for the second time and I’m so depressed. Part of it is because I like the feeling of having something that draws me into it, and now it’s gone. But it’s also the feeling of injustice that’s attached to it. And yes, I know it’s just a book, a story, that someone made up the whole thing, that those are not real people… But it’s a good representation of reality. That is what happen in real life, people don’t always get what they deserve. Some really amazing people hide behind these masks and no-one can really see them. Some people are seen as evil, vindictive, heartless… but is there something more inside them? Is that really who they are? Why they’ve become like that?

It kills me knowing that a lot of people experience that pain Elphie represents. That more often than we’d like to believe people are discriminated and bullied and… hurt. And we don’t even realize it. Or we pretend not to. It is just a book, but the story is real and it shows us that no-one is completely good, just like very likely no-one is utterly evil.

It makes you think how you act everyday, what’s your attitude towards people – different people.

It opens your eyes… at least it opened mine. Things are not exactly how they seem and you have to take the time to get to know the person, the circumstances to make your own opinion about it.

Be careful with first with first impressions, they can be deceiving. Give it a chance. Don’t just follow everybody else. Have the guts to be different, to be fair, stand up for it if you believe it and just try to be a better person everyday.

Gossip and talk on corners

It seems there’s no more appealing thing than to talk about someone else’s life. It’s a fascinating world. You can create your own rumors, pick your characters, involve whoever comes to your mind and then just see how far it goes.  Or lets be fair, sometimes they’re not rumors, some stories are actually true, but for some reason had been kept secret… until someone finds out that is. I can understand that sometimes you find out about things that are just too exciting or too chocking and that it’s a real challenge to hold them inside.  And we all had those moments that we didn’t meant to tell anyone, but when we get asked straight away we were not able to keep it inside and we let it slip to someone. I get that, nobody’s perfect. But to go around spreading the news with no reason, just because… that I take hard. It’s always so disturbing for me when someone tells me a secret, it may not even be a big deal, but something that they want to keep private, and then I hear someone else, someone that has nothing to do with it just talking about it to everybody. Why? It aggravates me because I know I would feel violated. A lot of times we’re talking about real private stuff, emotions, relationships, feelings… and when someone is felling already pretty miserable and defeated having strangers talking about its humiliating. 

Yes, maybe people are a bit careless too. Lots of times people think they’re being discrete and yet you can obviously see that something is going on but if you’re not close to them, if they, for whatever reason, didn’t want to be open about it yet why can’t people just be shush? It seems to exist this incredible sense of community, of urgency to spread the news. Even when they’re not meant to be spread. I don’t get if it’s unadulterated evilness or if people do it only for the thrill of it. Maybe there’s just nothing really exciting going on in their life and they need to get the rush out someone else’s.

We are humans, we communicate, we can’t avoid it… But can’t we just make an effort to tame ourselves a little bit?

“We are not benefiting anyone when we underestimate our own potential and we give less than we really are”*

There’s a fine line between being confident and being cocky. Between being modest and neglecting your assets. It’s hard to find that balance that keeps you working hard and trying even after everyone have turned you down. The world is ruled by people. And they are ruled by opinions. I’m not saying that opinions don’t matter or that we should just ignore every bad criticism we hear. Criticism is important, even when not delivered with the best manners. What you have to do is find a way to turn it into something useful, something good.

You will fall down, you’ll have days that everything seems to go wrong not matter how hard you try. There will be times when you will wonder if they were right… if you are really not good enough. There will be days that you’ll feel like giving up, throw everything out of the window and just run away. But you won’t. Because that’s what tells you apart from everyone else, that’s what will make you special.

Having someone believing in us, in our abilities, is great and with their help we can reach great achievements. But nothing will give you as much strength than believing in yourself. People will come and go. Some will think you’re great, some might think you’re just one more dreamer. You’ll hear often that you’re not strong enough, or tall enough or good enough. They’ll try to convince you that you’ll never make it. But don’t take their word! Maybe they have a point, maybe your odds are not the best, but the world is full of examples of people that were neglected and rejected and that against all odds made it and are now the biggest stars in their areas of expertise.

So keep you head up, learn to filter - what you say and what you hear. No-one is always right or always wrong. Respect your adversary and respect the game. Know that no matter how old and experience you are there’s always something that you can learn and that everybody can teach you something. Stay down to earth, be humble, but don’t let people make a fool out of you. Be smart, think before you act.

When you get to the top don’t stop. Keep pushing yourself year after year. Don’t settle for being great when you can be the best. Remember where you came from. Remember how you used to look up to other people and how the dream seemed so far.
Be brave, dream and fight for it. If it’s really what you want then give all of you and when you finally reach it, just enjoy!

P.S - To my dear Raquel. Hope you'll get it.


* Title by Helene Menzel

“Are people born wicked, or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?”*

What makes someone wicked or evil? Do people already have it in them when they’re born? Is it something that develops while you’re growing up? Can someone truly influence our outcome? How we are going to turn out? Do we have any control over it? Can someone be utterly wicked?... or completely good? How much of it is biological and how much of it is social? Will we ever get the answers to all of these questions? Do even want to have them? It might become just one more reason to discriminate and hate and… What if against all odds someone break the rules and turns out to be an exception?

As an educator, as a teacher, I have to believe that environment matters. That the circle where you are brought up in, that you are raised will take their parts in how someone’s personality is shaped. But how many times have we seen and heard stories about people who seemed to have had great childhoods, loving parents, that simply seemed to have had all reasons to be happy, honest and good and just turn out doing the most horrific things? And how many kids had to face things that most of us would not be able to cope with and still are able to turn their life around and become amazing and generous people?

We can’t give up. We have to believe that we can make a change. That maybe our words, our love, our care and attention will make the difference in someone’s life.

Everyone should be received in this world with happiness, joy and love, unfortunately, not every child gets that when they’re born. And no matter how hard we try sometimes there’s nothing we can do to prevent that. But, we can try to fix it. We can try to mend that broken soul. Everyone deserves a chance, especially a child. Sometimes it’s just too tempting, it’s just easier to follow what everyone else is saying about that person and believe in it. So you don’t waste time, so you can dedicate your attention to those you really matter. But what if everyone else is wrong? What if you could be the one changing their life and you just walk away without even trying?

 Maybe a lot of the times you’ll be deceived but that one time that you are not will make up for everything.

But let’s be real… You won’t be able to help everybody, maybe not even half of the people you’ll try to. So, how do we know we’ve done enough? When is it fair to give up and move on?  Won’t it hunt you the rest of your life the fact that maybe you should have stayed just a little bit longer?

It’s tricky… and there’s only so much you can do. If I believe people can change? I do… but it has to come from the inside. You cannot force someone to change. They may fake it for a while, they may control their actions, they may even believe they’ve changed and deceived themselves but if they don’t feel it, if they don’t fight their demons and just try to cover it up eventually it will all come out. And sometimes it will take even worst proportions has it had all been repressed for that time.

It’s hard to lose someone. It’s tough to accept that no matter how much you love that someone there’s nothing you can do to help them. It hurts see them falling right in from your eyes and not be able to do nothing. But sometimes it is really not up to you. 

* Title by Glinda in Wicked (the play)

“People will let you down. Sooner or later they all will… it’s not like they want to, it’s just their nature”*

Funny how sometimes you find something that you said or wrote years ago and it makes you think… think about what you were feeling in that exact moment, think how much your opinions about it have change (if they changed at all), think if you still agree with those thoughts, simply think how do you feel about those words now.

After doing all of this thinking I came to the conclusion that even when you can’t change your opinion on something you can still try to choose how you want to deal with it and how you want to feel about it.

So maybe it is true… Maybe you will be let down. You can’t control other people actions. And even though you knew from the star that would happen it will still hurt, it will still be humiliating and it will still make you cry.

But you have the power over yourself. You can decide if you just want to be miserable thinking about the past and what could have been or move on. Don’t be mad because it ended or with whatever happened to break you apart. Be glad that you had the chance to live some happy moments , to share something that was special and that no matter what will always be a part of you. Something unique that nobody else has to see or understand.

People will come and go in your life and if you let them they will teach you something. It might not be what you wanted at the time but when the pain starts to fade away I find that if you give it a try, if you focus on the positive you’ll see that it was worth it and that you did get something out of it (something good that is).

Do not regret your relationships. They’ve made you who you are today. Do not punish yourself for loving the “wrong” person, or trusting someone. Don’t lose your faith. Don’t let them take away what’s best in you.

Just be honest to yourself, be real and take the time to grieve, to heal. It will get better and you will remember that person, those moments with joy.

^* Title by me – November 2007

Parece tão simples...

A vida dá muitas voltas, nunca sabemos o que vai acontecer ou o que devemos esperar, contudo, hoje em dia temos cada vez mais tendência a esquecer-nos disso. Temos uma falsa certeza que podemos controlar tudo e que tudo está ao nosso alcance, se não for hoje será certamente amanhã… mal tal como disse são falsas certezas! Preocupamo-nos demasiado com coisas fúteis e sem grande importância e deixamos sempre para depois aquilo que realmente importa. Lamentamo-nos por isto ou por aquilo e esquecemo-nos que o fundamental da vida não depende apenas de nós.

Não querendo ter uma visão pessimista da humanidade, mas já tendo, raras são as vezes que fazemos o acertado, pois na maioria dos casos ou não damos a devida importância às pessoas ou quando o fazemos é em relação às pessoas erradas. Às vezes não estamos dispostos a falar, outras não estão dispostos a ouvir-nos e ficamos neste impasse. Deixamos o tempo passar e as coisas ficam por dizer. Seguimos em frente como se nada se passasse e fosse tudo apenas um ridículo capricho que facilmente se pode ignorar. Estamos demasiado perdidos no mundo, ou até em nós mesmos para nos voltarmos a preocupar com o assunto e preferimos fingir que não houve oportunidade, preferimos ignorar a situação e fazer como toda a gente que se esquece de nós. Preferimos seguir a multidão e não nos destacarmos… Centramo-nos nos nossos problemas e preocupações e depressa tudo caí no esquecimento (mais fácil, pelo menos assim não há remorsos…).

Mas depois um dia algo de inesperado acontece… a vida decide mostrar-nos que apesar de toda a tecnologia e avanço, no fundo, de pouco ou nada temos controlo. Um dia vamos acordar e arrepender-nos o resto dos nossos dias por não termos tido tempo ou disposição por dizer a toda a gente o quanto os amámos. Vamos ficar desiludidos connosco mesmos por apesar de tantos avisos termos cometido mais uma vez o mesmo erro que tantos já anteriormente haviam cometido, e vamos finalmente resumir-nos à nossa insignificância… chegando finalmente à conclusão que apesar de toda a nossa inteligência e superioridade agimos estupidamente durante 90% da nossa vida e focamo-nos em tudo menos no crucial. Vamos ficar revoltados, vamos prometer que dali para a frente tudo será diferente. Vamos recuperar e passado algum tempo faremos tudo errado novamente… porque o ser humano é assim, consegue por vezes manter na memória as mais insignificantes discussões ou momentos, mas o importante acaba sempre por se desvanecer.

"The truth isn't a thing of fact, or reason, It's simply what everyone agrees on"*

De que se trata a realidade senão de uma fantástica ilusão que nos permite prosseguir com as nossas vidas com plena convicção que está tudo sobre controlo? Acreditamos como real tudo o que observamos e tomamos como certo no nosso quotidiano, mas será tudo isso verdadeiro? Não é a realidade um conceito subjectivo que varia com os ideais, pontos de vista e até mesmo desejos?

Formulamos teorias sobre tudo neste mundo, desde os nossos relacionamentos e aos motivos que os fizeram fracassar até às mais vulgares situações, e inconscientemente cremos neles com tal força que os tornamos reais… mas terão eles de facto alguma veracidade?

A realidade não é uma verdade absoluta, não está sempre certa, de facto, a realidade está muitas vezes errada, cabe-nos a nós criar a nossa própria realidade com a destreza de deixar uma porta entreaberta caso seja necessário regressar…

* Title by the Wizafd of Oz - Wicked

"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world... not even our troubles"*

Don’t kick yourself down. It’s not as bad as it feels at the moment. It’s not worth the stress, the nerves, it’s done. Done and gone. There’s nothing you can do about it anymore. Don’t over react, don’t feel miserable about it. Trust me, you will have enough real reasons to feel miserable in life. You don’t need to make up some more.

Don’t regret about what was done, just focus, get yourself together and make sure you do a better job next time.

* By Charles Chaplin

"Anything that's worth having Is sure enough worth fighting for" *

I envy those people who take back lovers/friends even after they have disappointed or betray them. It is not like I want to be in their position, feel their pain (sometimes over and over again). I just admire the way they can forgive other people and trust them in spite all that happened.

I already have troubles giving people a first chance let along a second one.

Some people might say they are crazy, naïve. But I do admire them, I truly do. It must be so nice to have that faith in people, in love.

Sure maybe they will get hurt sometimes/most of times. But what if it does work? What if that person really just made one mistake? Is it really worth it to throw everything away? Can’t we just fix it and move on?

I am not saying we should let people play with our feelings but maybe sometimes it is better to forgive… I believe there are different types of brave people. Some may not be afraid to go inside a building on fire or face the scariest creatures. But honestly I think the bravest of them all are people who are not afraid of their feelings and that are willing to let themselves go fully in a relationship. And even if that makes them suffer often, I like to believe that in the end it is all worth it.

* Title by Cheryl Cole - Fight For This Love

Let's try this again...

It has been tricky… Has you can tell by the date from my last post I have been wanting to give a new life to this blog. I stopped writing for a while because I started to feel that I was writing the same thoughts over and over again, just using different words. Also for a while writing was just one more way to help me to alienate myself from the rest of the world, from the rest of the people. I guess it got to a point that I associated so much writing with pain, because that was when I would write, that I decided to stop. Doing it was just one more way to focus on whatever I thought it was wrong at the time. In the beginning it felt good, I think I was needing that break but in a long run I started to miss it. I’ve always lived between the real world and the world of my thoughts and losing one of them felt like losing a part of me. I came to the conclusion that I need both of them… It’s all about balancing and knowing that though writing can be a good escape you can not let yourself go to deep. I’m still working on it, I am not going to lie… Also the whole idea of making all of this (or some of this) stuff public is kind of scary. I struggled a lot if I should do it or not but I decided to give it a go. I don’t know, sometimes it just helps when you listen or you read stuff from people that are having the same problems as you or feeling the same as you are, or just simply knowing that everybody feels like an outcast sometimes. So that was the main reason why I decided to put my things out there, because if it helps at least one person then it will be worth it. I hope I can stick with it, will see.