Monday, April 03, 2017

You always have a choice... Choose right!

I was always naïve. I was that cliché little girl who believed she could save the world and make a difference, and though life as made a point of teaching me there are things we can’t control and lives we cannot change, deep inside that will has never faded.

There have been times I wished I could care less about things, but then again we can’t let the circumstances of life harden us to the point we stop caring, or else what would keep us going?

I like to think that have grown a lot, that I’m not the little girl who believed in fairy tales anymore, but I think a lot of people still seem me has a naïve young woman who mistakenly believes she can make a difference, who still hasn’t  understood her insignificance in this world. And maybe that’s where I’ve grown the most, because there was a time I’d let their lack of faith shake me up, that I’d wonder if time would make me that sceptical too, but now I know it’s up to you to keep paving that path. It’s not always easy, you will fall and fail a thousand times, but you always have a choice. You can choose to quit or you can choose to try harder. You can’t blame it on people, as if the actions of a few could dictate how you act towards all the others. It’s your choice if you will let failure prevent you to reach out for someone else.

Life is unpredictable. Challenges thrown at us constantly - at work, at home, inside ourselves... It’s easy to become slouchy, grumpy, to stop trying, to become averse to change and whatever falls out of norm. It’s easier to become that person that shuts down everything that’s new, everyone who’s different. It’s easier to settle for the minimum and avoid raising the bar. It’s easier to clamp up and think only about oneself. It’s easier to become selfish… But just because it’s easier, it doesn’t mean that’s the way to go.

You have a choice to look on the bright side, to focus on the positive outcomes that might come with the challenges. You have a choice to put the extra work, walk that extra mile, even if it doesn’t always seem fair, even if the road gets lonely at times. You have a choice to be positive, even if it means swimming against the tides of doubt, fear and ignorance that surround you. You have a choice to keep trying no matter how many times you fail, because it’s not about being perfect, it’s about making an effort.

You have a choice to make your stand and walk tall, even if that means standing alone…

We have a choice and we have the responsibility to look out for each other, even if it was not in the plans, even if we’re not sure how it will all turn out in the end.

I don’t believe in higher powers, but I believe in free will. I believe we are the result of the choices we make, not just in life changing moments, but in all the little ones, the ones that truly count. So you do what you have to do. You stand up for what you believe regardless the consequences, and you don’t let life that away your humanity.  

If you do that at some point you will believe you can make a difference. Because you can, because you do, even if it’s one life at the time, even if the life you’re changing is your own. They’ll keep telling you that it’s not worth it, that you can’t help them all, but it’s all about that 1% you can.

There’s so much evil in this world we can’t control, but if we would make an effort to change the little things we do, to care about the next one, to open up to something new, to walk a mile in someone shoes, to offer them something as little as a genuine smile, so much pain would be taken away… and that’s not about being a good person, it’s about being human!

You should never underestimate the power your actions can have on someone, so let them doubt all they want, I’ll believe for both us.

Wednesday, March 08, 2017

N° 2 Sexuality

Nº 2

Hi. As you may know, I made one of these little paragraph texts a while ago and I wanted to make one again. But this time touching a different subject. This time it's about sexuality. Yes I'm going there. One of the most touched, but non-explained subjects in this partly judgmental world.
First of all, I know I shouldn't be doing this.
I mean, I'm 12 years old, I haven't explored my sexuality yet and I don't intend to yet anyway , but I know that whoever has would be sure about it right? Like I said, I don't know. All I know is that just like any other subject, it should not be touched before it's explained. So now that my acknowledgement of this subject has been made, we can get on to MY opinion and my side towards it.

The types
So we all think we know the different sexualities, and their boundaries, so let's start with basic math.

LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 = Lesbian, Gay, Bi (sexual), Trans (gender), and Queer Community.
L = Lesbian = 👩‍❤️‍👩 = 🚺+ 🚺
G = Gay = 👨‍❤️‍👨 = 🚹 + 🚹
B = Bisexual = 👩‍🎤/👨‍🎤 + 👩+👨
T = Trangender = 🙎🙎‍♂️>🙎/🙎‍♂️
Q = Queer = Different = 🌈👩‍🎤👨‍🎤 or anything they want to physically or emotionally be like.

2. Response Socially

I know that there are many points of view between sexuality and whether it is right or wrong.
Well let me ask something, if any sexuality other than heterosexuality is bad then, for Christians, the bible says that God made every person in his image. If He is that powerful, then he could've made every mind and point of view in His image. Sure the bible says that no man should lay with his neighbour, but it also says God will accept anyone big, small, black, or white.
So if God doesn't like people part of the LGBTQ community, He can come and punish them. But for now only He can judge them so let them live their lives please. It doesn't even matter who they love!!!!

Filipa André

Friday, February 17, 2017

Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes, the day just… ends

Just last week you told me you were feeling lonely. You said it was nothing, that it was stupid, that you were afraid to tell me because you didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but that somehow you knew I would get it. We had a good talk about it, we hugged it out, I assured you I would never leave you alone and you assured me you knew that. It was good, we were good, but all week I had you in my mind… all week I had these thoughts in my head about how some things can never be what they were. I thought about how life and work steals time away from the people we care about. How we can never go back to spend 8 hours a day with our best friend in the playground, no matter how much we’d love to. How no matter how hard we try we can’t prevent people from hurting… and then tragedy strikes…  and what was just a nostalgic feeling for times we can’t relive transforms in an absolute feel of impotence. All of the sudden 30km feel like an ocean away, a couple of hours feel like an eternity and I feel so small, because I’ve been there, and I know there’s nothing one can say or do that will take the pain away. And it kills me. I know this isn’t about me, but it kills me to know there’s nothing I can do, it kills me hearing you cry and have no voice, because all the comfort words I can utter feel shallow and vain. In moments like these I wish I was one of those people who always know just what to say, I wish I was positive, I wish I was strong, I wish I could give you the peace of mind that deep inside I know only comes with time. But I have nothing, nothing to offer but hug and a promise of always trying to be there, because truth is I still don’t get it. I don’t get death. It’s been 10 years for me, and in a lot of ways it might seem that I’ve coped with it, but I’m not sure I have. I pushed through like we all do, but there’s so much about that day that feels unresolved. So much pain, so much guilt… So I have nothing, nothing to offer but hug and a promise of always trying to be there.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Family is who your heart chooses

You came without a warning, and at a time when my guard was already up. It was awkward at first, I won’t deny it. I had always wanted a little sister, but I wasn’t expecting one anymore, not at that point in my life, and certainly not one that worshiped me so much after one short meeting. Back then you were devoted to me, I could do no wrong, and as appealing as that may sound, it’s a very heavy load to carry – to have someone so pure and innocent have so much faith in you.

Quickly though you won us all. One by one, and we’re not an easy bunch to win (!) but you made it look so natural, everything was so effortless that we never stood a chance. Any of us. You were so sure we were your family that it became contagious. There was so much certainty in your words, in your actions, that there was no room left for doubt. You never cared about what others might think or ask, you didn’t care about labels (at least not for anyone but me), you didn’t had to name what we had, you just felt it, and that was enough for you.

You brought an openness and bluntness to our house that we were not used to, that we were missing. You poured your heart out day in and day out and bonded with us in ways we weren’t bonded with each other. You somehow managed to connect us all a bit more and ended up being the piece of the puzzle we didn’t know was missing.

Today I’m not your whole world anymore. I’m not your idol and you certainly don’t think I am always right. Nowadays you can be grumpy and stubborn, you can show your temper and we can drive each other crazy, but that means only one thing… that we love each other to a point that we know we can reveal our true selves and everything will be okay in the end, no matter what. For we may not always agree, but we will always have each other’s backs, that’s how sisterhood works. When it comes down to it, you protect the things you love, no questions asked.

You came home with us for a morning and all of the sudden it has been 10 years, but it shouldn’t be surprising for me, not anymore, that family comes in the most unexpected ways and forms, because truth is because family is who your heart chooses.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Magic inside my closet

When I was little I never believed I had monsters under my bed, I did, however, believe I had magic inside my closet.

Every day was an new adventure, as for in the darkness of the night, when everyone was sure I was fast asleep, my magic closet would take me to China and beyond.

All I had to do was step inside and in an instant it would teleport me to a whole new world. If I close my eyes I can still see the colors around me as I twirled in wonder, the long pavements, the things happening all at once around me, everything so new, so different, so interesting!

I’d always travel alone, for some reason, despite being the social butterfly I was back then, but I was never lonely. There was no fear, despite how far away I would travel, no worries about when or if I would come back, there was just excitement and anticipation.

I’d never remember how I would get back, though I imagine it would be just as magical. The memories that remained were always the ones of departing my home and arriving to a new place, with unlimited possibilities.

My brother, older and always rational, tried to prove over and over again that I was lying, that it just wasn’t possible, but I didn’t care about his logic, or his intentions to dismiss what I knew was true.

Things were different all those years ago, I was so confident back then, so sure. Life hadn’t got in the way yet. I didn’t care about what made sense, what could be proven or what they said, all I believed was myself. 

I wasn’t lying, there was indeed magic in my bedroom, I just didn’t realize that the magic wasn’t inside my closet, but inside myself.  

Sunday, January 08, 2017


There are days you impress yourself with how everything turned out, the challenges you took, the fears you faced and the many ways you refused to let your insecurities defy who you are and how far you can get.

Other days you look at your life and it feels like you’ve achieved nothing, that you’re immensely far from where you want to be, that you keep taking steps in random directions and that you’re no closer to your goal than you were back in high school.

Some days you’re just completely out of focus. All you can think about is all the things you haven’t managed to achieve yet. You’ve always dreamed big. You’re destined to do great things with your life, that’s what everyone keeps telling you, that’s what they believe, that’s what they made YOU believe. And yet there are days you have no purpose. Days where all the inspiration is gone, days where there is no motivation, no hope, no will.

You feel constantly trapped in this dichotomy of having days when you feel like you can change the world, and days you can barely find the strength to get out of bed. And it’s funny that these up and downs are what hasn’t really changed over the years. They are your constant, your solid ground, from when you where that bubbly little girl until the moment you are now. Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be, maybe balance is overrated and the constant struggle is what keeps you from becoming stale (even though that’s how you feel, more often than you’d like to admit).

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

My Answer is You / A minha resposta são vocês

Nota: Versão portuguesa mais abaixo

I grew up hearing about how magical life was, full of inspiring people and loving creatures, but somehow along the way I developed a twisted vision of the world. I built a wall around me and became emotionally unattached to a degree I was merely numb.

The happy little girl that once bounced around talking to everyone who would listen had suddenly disappeared and the constant smile on her face, the one she so often got complimented on, was nothing but an act.

For no apparent reason the child who once believed she could change the world had turned into someone who felt worthless. The pressure of being an overachiever, a pressure no-one ever understood where it came from, led to a constant feeling of despair and self-loathing. Anxiety and fear crept in so deep into my soul that I started questioning the one thing I’d always been sure about.     
The plan I had dictated for my life was coming to its term and I wasn't ready for what would come next... mostly because I didn't know if I wanted it anymore, mostly because now I wasn't sure I had it in me anymore.

The world seemed too big for me to handle, but despite all the space around me and how tiny I was, I felt trapped. The feelings I had been carrying for years showed no intention to flee and I had to admit to myself that maybe what I was feeling was more than just an adolescent phase, it was my reality. I realized then that I wasn’t sure what I was more afraid of, sucking at the only job I had ever dreamed of or feeling stale for the rest of my life.

And so in a very uncharacteristically and unexpected move, I leaped...

I leaped because I was afraid. I leaped because I was desperate, because in a lot of ways it felt like my last chance, my only hope... I leaped because I grew up hearing how sweet I was, being a good girl, always taking care of the little ones around me, and despite all the challenges and difficulties, the tiny humans were still the ones to whom I could give myself completely. And that's when I met you... and as corny as it might sound, my whole life changed.

With you I rediscovered myself and my true passion. I defeated any doubts of what my vocation truly was. I changed, I grew, but more importantly… I loved you. In a way I wasn't sure I could still do.
I've always prided myself of my ability to compartmentalize and bottle emotions in, but with you I never stood a chance.

I am someone who loves to keep some distance, how big the world is, and to be able to travel from place to place leaving no roots, but meeting you, made me wish, for the first time, that I could make the world smaller.

My anxiety isn't gone, my faith in people hasn't been restored and my deep dark companions still travel around with me. In the core I haven't changed, so one might wonder if it’s worth the days I wake up in the middle of the night, heart clenched, for missing you, or the guilt I carry with me for “leaving you”, but I don’t have to wonder, because my answer is you. There was never a moment of doubt or a single regret. If there was ever a step I took in the right direction it was the one towards you. 

Happy Birthday little Munchkins!

 “How do I love you? It’s impossible to say. For if I had a million days, and time enough for all the praise, I couldn’t tell you all the ways… that I love you” (P.K. Hallinan)


My Answer são vocês

Cresci a ouvir histórias de um mundo mágico, cheio de pessoas inspiradoras e criaturas apaixonantes, mas sem saber como, ao longo do caminho desenvolvi uma visão destorcida do mundo. Criei um muro à minha volta e tornei-me desapegada ao ponto de ficar dormente.

A menina feliz que antes saltitava de um lado para o outro a falar com quem quer que a ouvisse desapareceu repentinamente e o sorriso constante no seu rosto, aquele pelo qual tantas vezes era elogiada não era mais do que uma máscara.

Sem razão aparente, a criança que outrora acreditara que podia mudar o mundo não reconhecia em si agora qualquer valor. A pressão de ser perfeita, uma pressão que nunca ninguém percebeu de onde vinha, levaram-na a um desespero constante. A ansiedade e o medo alojaram-se de tal maneira na minha alma que comecei a questionar a única coisa sobre a qual nunca tinha duvidado.

O plano que tinha ditado para a minha vida estava a chegar ao fim e eu não estava preparada para o que viria a seguir... sobretudo porque já  não sabia se era isso que queria, sobretudo porque já não acreditava se seria capaz de vingar.

O mundo parecia demasiado grande para o encarar, mas apesar de todo o espaço à minha de volta, e de me sentir tão pequenina, sentia-me encurralada. Os sentimentos que carregava comigo há anos não mostravam intenções de partir e acabei por ter de admitir a mim mesma que se calhar o que estava a sentir era mais do que apenas uma fase da adolescência, era a minha realidade.  Nesse momento percebi que não sabia o que me assustava mais, falhar no trabalho com que sempre sonhara, ou sentir-me estagnada para o resto da vida.

Assim, num movimento pouco característico e muito inesperado, arrisquei...

Arrisquei porque tinha medo. Arrisquei porque estava desesperada, porque me parecia a minha última hipótese, a única esperança... Arrisquei porque cresci a ouvir que era uma menina querida, sempre bem comportada e a tomar conta dos pequeninos à minha volta, e apesar de todos os desafios e dificuldades, eles eram os únicos a quem ainda me conseguia dar sem limitações. Foi assim que vos conheci... e por muito lamechas que possa soar, a minha vida mudou para sempre.

Com vocês redescobri-me, assim como a minha verdadeira paixão. Tirei quaisquer dúvidas sobre a minha verdadeira vocação. Mudei, cresci, mas mais importante que isso... amei-vos. De uma forma que pensava já não ser capaz.  

Sempre me orgulhei da minha capacidade de compartimentalizar e controlar as emoções, mas com vocês nunca tive qualquer hipótese.

Sou uma pessoa que gosta de manter alguma distância, do facto do mundo ser grande e de poder viajar de um lado para o outro sem criar raízes, mas conhecer-vos fez que com que pela primeira vez, desejasse que o mundo fosse mais pequeno.

A minha ansiedade não desapareceu, a minha fé nas pessoas não se refez e os meus demónios interiores ainda os trago comigo. No essencial não mudei, por isso alguns podem perguntar se vale a pena os dias que acordo no meio da noite, com o coração apertado de saudades, ou a culpa que carrego por vos ter “abandonado”, mas nem ponho essa questão, porque a resposta está em vocês. Nunca houve um momento de dúvida ou um único arrependimento. Se alguma vez dei um passo correcto, foi o passo que dei na vossa direcção. 

Parabéns Munchkins!

“Quanto vos amo? É impossível dizer. Pois mesmo que tivesse um milhão de dias, e tempo suficiente para todos os elogios, não conseguiria expressar todas as maneiras que vos amo” (P.K. Hallinan)