Saturday, June 10, 2017

Here I go

Here I go again to a place where I’ve been so happy, a place that overwhelmed me with challenges and made me grow more than I could have ever imagined.

Here I go back to the place where I dared to run to despite everyone’s advices, where I learned to trust my instincts.

Here I go again to the place where my heart was stolen by two little innocent souls, where I discovered the meaning of endless love.

Here I go back to where I lived the best experience of my life,  a place that made me cry and laugh, and allowed me to discover my true self.

Here I go again to the only busy, crowded place that somehow brings me peace, where I found my passion for theatre and the art of absorbing your surroundings.

Here I go back to where I discovered that misfortunes can result in lifetime friendships, where I learned that traveling isn’t about locations, but about people.  

Here I go again to the place that became my second home, where despite the distance never feels awkward.

Here I go back to a where I’ve been so many times before, a place I know I’ll fall in love with all over again.

Here I go again to a place where I can be inspired, where I’ll surround myself with people that have their hearts in the right place, that care, that believe and that make me believe we can change the world.

Here I go back to where I know I can’t stay. A place I wish I could fit in my luggage and bring home with me. 

Wednesday, June 07, 2017

Next year

Every year I think, “Maybe next year it will be different, maybe next year I’ll finally forget”, but eventually May rolls in, quickly followed by June, and little by little the darkness starts to crawl back out. A constant reminder hovering over my head about how ephemeral and meaningless life is.
It’s not like I want to forget her, not even close, I just don’t want to be reminded of that day. The day everything changed.

Every year I think it will be the last time I’ll write about it, that I finally used up all the words to try to make sense of what doesn’t make sense at all, apparently I am wrong…

Friday, June 02, 2017

Big little lies

It is said that a friend is someone with whom one can be sincere, have no secrets, show their true self. But trusting is hard, risking exposure with no knowledge of what consequences that will bring is often a reality too frightening to handle.

Despite what we like to believe, we never know anyone 100%. Everyone has their secrets, their dark places where their drawn to sometimes, a sense of overwhelming loneliness that strikes them from times to times. People pretend well, quite often we live in constant denial, and we go through life side by side with people we care about more than we can ever show, and at the same time we know so little about each other, about what really matters, about the demons that keep them awake at night. I think that was what shocked me the most as I grew up, the realization that people are so much more than what we see beneath the surface, that we are all so much deeper and complex than we pretend to be, how oblivious we can be to someone’s struggles and pain.

We all have secrets, deep dark thoughts we don’t share, fears we don’t want to admit. It’s human nature, to protect ourselves and the things we love, so whether because we don’t want to worry people, because we feel no-one can possibly understand us, because we’re ashamed, afraid, or simply due to an utter inability to open up, we clamp up and we go on with our lives, day after day, with a smile in our face that disguises the agony that we face inside.

Everyone has stories they never tell, and a lot of times they're kept hidden not because they don't trust the ones around them, but because they don't trust themselves. Fear is a force that drives us more than we realize, and the fear of letting people down or being hurt is often behind the reason we keep our secrets so well hidden. And yes, friends should be the ones you trust to support you no matter what, but this fear of disappointment doesn’t usually come from having friends that don't love us enough to accept us, it comes from the fact that we don't  love ourselves enough to believe we are worthy of their love despite our flaws.

We are the ones blocking the trust, we avoid exposure because we see vulnerability as a weakness, thought the reality is that it takes an unmeasurable amount of courage to be comfortable in that place. 

Monday, April 03, 2017

You always have a choice... Choose right!

I was always naΓ―ve. I was that clichΓ© little girl who believed she could save the world and make a difference, and though life as made a point of teaching me there are things we can’t control and lives we cannot change, deep inside that will has never faded.

There have been times I wished I could care less about things, but then again we can’t let the circumstances of life harden us to the point we stop caring, or else what would keep us going?

I like to think that have grown a lot, that I’m not the little girl who believed in fairy tales anymore, but I think a lot of people still seem me has a naΓ―ve young woman who mistakenly believes she can make a difference, who still hasn’t  understood her insignificance in this world. And maybe that’s where I’ve grown the most, because there was a time I’d let their lack of faith shake me up, that I’d wonder if time would make me that sceptical too, but now I know it’s up to you to keep paving that path. It’s not always easy, you will fall and fail a thousand times, but you always have a choice. You can choose to quit or you can choose to try harder. You can’t blame it on people, as if the actions of a few could dictate how you act towards all the others. It’s your choice if you will let failure prevent you to reach out for someone else.

Life is unpredictable. Challenges thrown at us constantly - at work, at home, inside ourselves... It’s easy to become slouchy, grumpy, to stop trying, to become averse to change and whatever falls out of norm. It’s easier to become that person that shuts down everything that’s new, everyone who’s different. It’s easier to settle for the minimum and avoid raising the bar. It’s easier to clamp up and think only about oneself. It’s easier to become selfish… But just because it’s easier, it doesn’t mean that’s the way to go.

You have a choice to look on the bright side, to focus on the positive outcomes that might come with the challenges. You have a choice to put the extra work, walk that extra mile, even if it doesn’t always seem fair, even if the road gets lonely at times. You have a choice to be positive, even if it means swimming against the tides of doubt, fear and ignorance that surround you. You have a choice to keep trying no matter how many times you fail, because it’s not about being perfect, it’s about making an effort.

You have a choice to make your stand and walk tall, even if that means standing alone…

We have a choice and we have the responsibility to look out for each other, even if it was not in the plans, even if we’re not sure how it will all turn out in the end.

I don’t believe in higher powers, but I believe in free will. I believe we are the result of the choices we make, not just in life changing moments, but in all the little ones, the ones that truly count. So you do what you have to do. You stand up for what you believe regardless the consequences, and you don’t let life that away your humanity.  

If you do that at some point you will believe you can make a difference. Because you can, because you do, even if it’s one life at the time, even if the life you’re changing is your own. They’ll keep telling you that it’s not worth it, that you can’t help them all, but it’s all about that 1% you can.

There’s so much evil in this world we can’t control, but if we would make an effort to change the little things we do, to care about the next one, to open up to something new, to walk a mile in someone shoes, to offer them something as little as a genuine smile, so much pain would be taken away… and that’s not about being a good person, it’s about being human!

You should never underestimate the power your actions can have on someone, so let them doubt all they want, I’ll believe for both us.

Wednesday, March 08, 2017

N° 2 Sexuality


Hi. As you may know, I made one of these little paragraph texts a while ago and I wanted to make one again. But this time touching a different subject. This time it's about sexuality. Yes I'm going there. One of the most touched, but non-explained subjects in this partly judgmental world.
First of all, I know I shouldn't be doing this.
I mean, I'm 12 years old, I haven't explored my sexuality yet and I don't intend to yet anyway , but I know that whoever has would be sure about it right? Like I said, I don't know. All I know is that just like any other subject, it should not be touched before it's explained. So now that my acknowledgement of this subject has been made, we can get on to MY opinion and my side towards it.

The types
So we all think we know the different sexualities, and their boundaries, so let's start with basic math.

LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 = Lesbian, Gay, Bi (sexual), Trans (gender), and Queer Community.
L = Lesbian = πŸ‘©‍❤️‍πŸ‘© = 🚺+ 🚺
G = Gay = πŸ‘¨‍❤️‍πŸ‘¨ = 🚹 + 🚹
B = Bisexual = πŸ‘©‍🎀/πŸ‘¨‍🎀 + πŸ‘©+πŸ‘¨
T = Trangender = πŸ™ŽπŸ™Ž‍♂️>πŸ™Ž/πŸ™Ž‍♂️
Q = Queer = Different = πŸŒˆπŸ‘©‍πŸŽ€πŸ‘¨‍🎀 or anything they want to physically or emotionally be like.

2. Response Socially

I know that there are many points of view between sexuality and whether it is right or wrong.
Well let me ask something, if any sexuality other than heterosexuality is bad then, for Christians, the bible says that God made every person in his image. If He is that powerful, then he could've made every mind and point of view in His image. Sure the bible says that no man should lay with his neighbour, but it also says God will accept anyone big, small, black, or white.
So if God doesn't like people part of the LGBTQ community, He can come and punish them. But for now only He can judge them so let them live their lives please. It doesn't even matter who they love!!!!

Filipa AndrΓ©

Friday, February 17, 2017

Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes, the day just… ends

Just last week you told me you were feeling lonely. You said it was nothing, that it was stupid, that you were afraid to tell me because you didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but that somehow you knew I would get it. We had a good talk about it, we hugged it out, I assured you I would never leave you alone and you assured me you knew that. It was good, we were good, but all week I had you in my mind… all week I had these thoughts in my head about how some things can never be what they were. I thought about how life and work steals time away from the people we care about. How we can never go back to spend 8 hours a day with our best friend in the playground, no matter how much we’d love to. How no matter how hard we try we can’t prevent people from hurting… and then tragedy strikes…  and what was just a nostalgic feeling for times we can’t relive transforms in an absolute feel of impotence. All of the sudden 30km feel like an ocean away, a couple of hours feel like an eternity and I feel so small, because I’ve been there, and I know there’s nothing one can say or do that will take the pain away. And it kills me. I know this isn’t about me, but it kills me to know there’s nothing I can do, it kills me hearing you cry and have no voice, because all the comfort words I can utter feel shallow and vain. In moments like these I wish I was one of those people who always know just what to say, I wish I was positive, I wish I was strong, I wish I could give you the peace of mind that deep inside I know only comes with time. But I have nothing, nothing to offer but hug and a promise of always trying to be there, because truth is I still don’t get it. I don’t get death. It’s been 10 years for me, and in a lot of ways it might seem that I’ve coped with it, but I’m not sure I have. I pushed through like we all do, but there’s so much about that day that feels unresolved. So much pain, so much guilt… So I have nothing, nothing to offer but hug and a promise of always trying to be there.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Family is who your heart chooses

You came without a warning, and at a time when my guard was already up. It was awkward at first, I won’t deny it. I had always wanted a little sister, but I wasn’t expecting one anymore, not at that point in my life, and certainly not one that worshiped me so much after one short meeting. Back then you were devoted to me, I could do no wrong, and as appealing as that may sound, it’s a very heavy load to carry – to have someone so pure and innocent have so much faith in you.

Quickly though you won us all. One by one, and we’re not an easy bunch to win (!) but you made it look so natural, everything was so effortless that we never stood a chance. Any of us. You were so sure we were your family that it became contagious. There was so much certainty in your words, in your actions, that there was no room left for doubt. You never cared about what others might think or ask, you didn’t care about labels (at least not for anyone but me), you didn’t had to name what we had, you just felt it, and that was enough for you.

You brought an openness and bluntness to our house that we were not used to, that we were missing. You poured your heart out day in and day out and bonded with us in ways we weren’t bonded with each other. You somehow managed to connect us all a bit more and ended up being the piece of the puzzle we didn’t know was missing.

Today I’m not your whole world anymore. I’m not your idol and you certainly don’t think I am always right. Nowadays you can be grumpy and stubborn, you can show your temper and we can drive each other crazy, but that means only one thing… that we love each other to a point that we know we can reveal our true selves and everything will be okay in the end, no matter what. For we may not always agree, but we will always have each other’s backs, that’s how sisterhood works. When it comes down to it, you protect the things you love, no questions asked.

You came home with us for a morning and all of the sudden it has been 10 years, but it shouldn’t be surprising for me, not anymore, that family comes in the most unexpected ways and forms, because truth is because family is who your heart chooses.